#i still need to make it right
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slowly learning that things you say/do when you're mad are still your fault because you said/did them. this was not the case in my household growing up and is such a weird rule my family has so its been so strange realizing that yeah no actually, calling someone a mean name over text when arguing is still something i have to apologize for. getting snippy with my boyfriend because I was having a bad day is still rude and I need to take accountability for that. weird weird weird. but I'm learning.
#jay says a thing#family has always been like 'things said in anger dont count because anger took over and that wasnt you'#which like. isnt true.#even if im mad i still said and did bad things#that was still me#i still need to make it right
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Several weeks ago one of my coworkers called me over into her cubicle and gave me a very unexpected gift. Her mother passed away recently, and she'd been packing stuff up at her condo to give to relatives and sell, so the home could be sold. The mother was an avid knitter and crocheter, and when my coworker came upon her stash of equipment, she told me, she "immediately thought of me as someone who might get some use out of it."
So, I have inherited a varied collection of knitting needles and crochet hooks, cable needles, sewing needles, and, best of all, now-out-of-print pattern books, mostly for blankets, because that was what this lady loved to make most. Plus, I also have a bunch of gauge swatches she made, pinned to little bits of card covered in perfect schoolteacher handwriting setting out the patterns they were made to test.
And also...
My coworker brought another bag, full of yarn and...knitted blanket squares. Her mother's last started project, before she got too sick to continue. And she asked if there was anything I could do with it.
It turned out, there are twelve completed squares, and I quickly located the pattern book they are from amid those given to me. It's a book of 60 patterns, meant to be put together however the maker wishes into blankets of 20 squares. I figured out which of the numbered patterns were already made, and selected eight more that I thought might go well with them.
So now! I am working on completing! My coworker's mother's last knitting project!
And I really am feeling very good about doing it.
#kidk says stuff#knit#i love making blankets anyway and these patterns are honestly cool#i already have most of the equipment i'd ever need but i still feel warm and fuzzy having this old gal's stuff too#my coworker thought of me ;__; she's seen my scarves and the table runners and stuff i have in my cubicle#she gave me precious things from her mother's beloved hobby because she 'knew i wouldn't let them go to waste'!#i feel very much like a human being and a member of a community because of this idk it's just nice all right?#crafts#blanket completion project
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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if you're a white person taking pleasure in the idea that Trump voters of colour are experiencing racist violence from white trumpers because "they got what's coming to them" I don't think you're anti-racist at all, I think you were just waiting for an acceptable target, and you're also fucking weird.
Bad Person Deserves Punishment For Their Sins give me a fucking break and get yourself out of the fucking catholic church. you're all prison abolitionists until you see someone you don't like.
#assholes still do not deserve to be victims of bigotry#people will crow this up and down until they find someone they think is a big enough asshole to really deserve it#watch your cognitive dissonance kids#i really am only speaking to white people here. as a white person.#POC can feel however they feel.#though i still don't think it's an appropriate sentiment to turn into Political Praxis there is of course a need to vent#like idk i don't find any marginalised suffering under fascism funny. i think it's fucking sad.#i think it is sad when right wing gay people experience homophobia and i think it is sad when right wing trans people experience transphobia#and when right wing disabled people experience ableism and when right wing women experience misogyny#leopards eating faces is funny when it's about like. rich people or misogynists or whatever it's.#do you understand that this is punching down?#why are we wasting our energy hoping for the victimisation of specific marginalised people#this would be a great time to do some outreach but instead everyone is just fucking MOCKING THEM#you're so fucking stupid you don't care about The Cause you care about Winning#this shit makes me furious.#have some compassion#the system speaks#USpol#Trump#racism#politics
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None of our hands are clean
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangshan#mianmian#The secret meaning behind one of the jin members scuttling off is:#I couldn't make three people work out in the remaining panels and per my rule of '3 attempts and take a different approach' he had to go.#Sometimes there are meaningful reasons why something happens in the background. And sometimes it is like this.#Let's just say he saw what was about to happen and got out of there before mianmian started throwing hands.#Okay no more delay. The sheer boldness to call WWX a killer in a room full of people who wear their war body count as a badge...#It's about hypocrisy yes - but it is also about how the narrative shifts on the same action depending on the frame.#Because at the end of the day...the blood on our hands is still blood on our hands.#Both the deaths on the battlefield and the deaths of the Jin's abusing the Wen remnants are still deaths caused by another.#They are also deaths that - depending who holds the frame - are noble acts to protect others.#But it isn't supposed to be about who was right and who was wrong.#It is about the need to be seen as the victim to avoid culpability.#Because if you aren't responsible you don't have to be held accountable. You don't have to grow or change.#If someone takes all the blame then there is no need to reflect on your own faults.#We have to protect our fragile ego from the mirror lest it shatter and we have to remake it anew.#Horrifically enough...even if WWX spared the Jin guards or even never ran into Wen Qing#He wouldn't have been able to escape being the scapegoat. He downfall was set into motion a long time ago.#My goodness...What a deliciously tragic story Wei Wuxian's first life was.
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END OF CHAPTER ONE
FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 65-72)
* Time to put this puzzle together.
[BEGINNING] [PREVIOUS] [CONTINUE]
#long post#SO SORRY FOR THE POST BEING SO LONG BUT I NEEDED THE DRAMA AND YOU GUYS BEING LIKE#“why is it still going.....”#hehe#JOKES ON YOU! I LIED! THESE ARE 8 PAGES NOT 6!!!#yippiee#YOU GOT EVEN MORE#OKAY NOW#To address everything!!!#“time travel? Really?”#YES REALLY#HAVE YOU ALL SEEN WHAT SANS SAYS IN HIS BATTLE#“our reports” “timelines jumping left and right” “an anomaly in the time-space continuum” HE KNOWS ABOUT THAT STUFF#HE RESEARCHED THAT STUFF#HE HAS A SECRET CODEWORD READY IN CASE HE FINDS A TIME TRAVELER WHY WOULD HE HAVE THAT???#Alphys has researched alternate universes too(which are usually related to alternate timelines)#okay enough of me rambling#I told u guys I made a mess to make the undertale timeline make sense lol#ANYWAYYSS#SIGH finally done with chapter one#IT WAS 52 PAGES LONG!!!!#So many things happened here#PAPYRUS AND FLOWEY ARE BACK!!!!#see you all again soon with chapter TWO#forgettable-au#forgettable-au-comic#papyrus#papyrus is gaster#undertale#gaster
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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chillin in the hot springs 🌱
+ a closeup
#ok so after drawing this i realized a major anatomical error that i compeltely overlooked and its bothering me so much that i cant unsee it#but i like how the drawing turned out so im not gonna change it#its bc if theyre both sitting down in the pool. there is no room for nemesis. but i hope you all can imagine that the pool is very deep and#they are actually standing#ok please imagine that for my sanity thank you#in my og sketch they were at the right edge of the pool and they would both have room to sit in this position but i moved them#cause i thought it would look better compositionally#and just didnt realize that the anatomy wouldnt make sense that way lmfao#anyway hope yall can still enjoy this melnem fanart#melnem#hades 2#hades ii#melinoe#nemesis#fanart#my artwork#illustration#i need these two to kiss kiss fall in love asap#oh my god also i love the little detail of their painted nails on their in game artwork#so cute#melinoe has green nails and nemesis has red nails#im love them
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Prompt 6: Geralt + Ocean (of flowers)
#geraskier#jaskier#geralt of rivia#artists on tumblr#the witcher#spielzeugkaiser does inktober#so much for smaller pieces - but I photobashed those mountains I NEEDED shortcuts#pssst don't look at how many times I have done variations of this piece now#I'm still not making it 'right' like in my brain it is still ~different#so y'all will have to probably suffer through this concept again
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Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!
Mentioning an unfamiliar name
yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..
I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.
#null rot#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#midori306#YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE YANDERE QUESTION MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER#uwaa and i recently checked back on their designs.. THEY HAVE LONG SLANTED EARS DUDE WHAT THE FUCKKK THATS LIKE THE CUTEST EVER#i tend to shitpost and focus on the dere than the yan but thats my mistake!! im sorry cult members.. I'll need scarousal#when calling sekdio. he pretends to ignore you but you can tell he heard you when his ear twitches#He's flabbergasted that you met someone else to begin with. who let you go out without one of them?!#hes too shocked and angry to even properly get upset!!#Karaku loves everything you have to say. less so if its positive abt someone else. still listens tho. listening carefully for details..#he doesnt mind others eyeing you. youre perfect in his eyes. who wouldnt? still.. thats not gonna fly well.#Urogi loves when you seek him out but mentioning someone else... is bc you want to feed him right? ofc! you want to benefit him!#its cause hes your favorite! yeah! youre so sweet!!! ofc he'll get rid of someone for you both!!#Aizetsu's bashful. he feels put on the spot when calling him but hes always hoping you give him affection of some kind. always ready for yo#mentioning someone else was NOT what he wanted and now hes sad.. youre making him sad.. whats so important you had to bring that up?#The thought of anyone else makes him feel so exhausted already.. wont you comfort him instead? he needs you now.. atone for your mistakes#uwaa expressions.. uwaaa aizetsu releasing some of the tension in his brows when hes feeling upset towards you uWAA#i CANT RAMBLE ENOUGH IN THE TAGS SO WAIT FOR THE POST I HAVE IN THE BACK BURNER FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO ASKED FOR SOMETHING SIMILAR!!!!!!!
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I have been sketching. So much tma. Here's some expansions on my Jon and Martin designs I've been doing.
Another note I forgor to mention is I love how after hearing Simon go "it's enough to make your hair turn white" about Martin's office in s4 many of us collectively agreed his hair turned white because of his association with the Lonely. The shared consciousness is real and we use it to play hot potato with the communal brain cell dedicated to the sillies.
Closeup of apocalypse boyfriends (also to the person who said they love my s5 Jon's fancy white girl updo: I think about that every day)
#s5 Jon in his white girl era#whatever the fuck that means#I'm still not done w the archives cuz busy n stuff but Jon needs to let Martin know wtf goin on#God may work in mysterious ways but you do not have to. Communicate with your man please#my art#the magnus archives#tma fanart#tma#tma season 5#tma spoilers#jonathan sims#tma podcast#martin blackwood#tma jmart#jmart#jmart fanart#jonmartin#there's so much going on in these and I am not sorry welcome to my chaotic mind#hope y'all read the tags cuz I need to announce before I fully make my Jon character sheet that his favorite band is linkin park#it's so funny and just right#tbf linkin park goes hard I'm tired of pretending it doesnt#but come on he totally was totally an edgey prick when he was younger#and older. he hasnt changed huh#anygays he totally loves linkin park and type o negative and three days grace and green day and evanescence#georgie was a paramore girlie I just know it#wish gerry were here he and jon would jam to type o negative so much :( and jon could introduce him to this cold night :(((#ok enough byeeeee
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This is part 1 of a continuation for my other post where LL Megatron gets trapped in the G1 universe, I was thinking about how someone would go insane in this cartoon world and thought "what if Megatron had someone else to accompany him" so, I gave Starscream an existential crisis
Edit: final part is out, I tagged everything as G1 x LL AU!
#guys i cant continue this comic I'll get too attached to the “oh its g1 animation errors excuse”#“this has great potential to be hilarious” makes angst instead#starscream i love you but your shoulder spike thingies are annoying to draw#theres only two parts but i wanted to keep my streak of posting art daily#DO NOT BE FOOLED BY HIS CUTE FACE HES STILL EVIL hes just having alot of thoughts right now#sorry if my handwriting is hard to read at the end#i print when i can but i... unironicly write in cursive#transformers#megastar#megascream#megatron#starscream#megatron x starscream#transformers fanart#transformers g1#tf idw#transformers au#ok looking at this a day later i realize how bad the flow is#note to self draw just make comics on the same canvas in the future#i will say though Ive never made comics before its pretty good for character angle practice! I need to do more of these#also use a character ref sheet!!! I gotta look at refs if im gonna do this cause its kinda obvious most of my drawings are from memory#G1 x LL AU
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Mary & George (2024) Episode 3 'Not So Much as Love as by Awe'
#mary and george#mary & george#mary and george spoilers#maryandgeorgeedit#nicholas galitzine#george villiers#robert carr#userninz#chrissiewatts#usergayppl#mine*#this being the first gifset i make? likely thing for me to be doing#OHHHH I ATE GOOD W THIS#the tension the hate sex of it all omgkjdhgf#i need them BOTH#robert so down bad even smallpox didnt stop him#the slow touch of the cheek??? okay#right. but who fucked who here. george bffr#crazy things to be saying while hes still inside you but whatever george you gotta do you#i will be making more sets when theres a hd version soon but this is all youre having for now#idk when itll be but dont forget me if everyone else gifs things first :)
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I think depictions of Anya being cruel to Curly or drawing out his suffering are artful and chilling but completely miss the point of the story and her character.
I'm not saying she doesn't deserve to have that "I told you so" moment with him but not in something callous or cold. Even if that is how it happened, she'd immediately feel guilty cause at that point she's not tormenting her tormenter or even the person truly at fault. She's doing something cathartic, similar to how Jimmy likely hits Curly to release rage he can't against the rest of the crew. She'd see herself as no different when she'd come back from the moment and see Curly cowering at her. She wants someone to take responsibility but how does being cruel to the defenseless help? Why would she want the power Jimmy has over her over Curly?
The idea of her extending someone else's pain is just so against the struggles she already faces and how she can't even bring herself to cause someone pain even to help them. Her very desire is to release herself from her own suffering and I doubt she'd even fine some sort of guilty release in being cruel to another.
#anya is not a character i see taking agency or indulging in cathartic behaviors#not knowingly like i see her as a character trapped in her head and maybe in the scenario she's cruel to Curly she is envisioning Jimmy#in his place but its not a story about justice or those deserving of punishment and those not like its the opposite of people projecting#their issues on the wrong people and saying things to the wrong people and doing things they shouldn't but anya uniquely falls out of it as#she is subjected to a lot of it but it is also not something she wants to subject another person to like you are doing what Jimmy does and#placing ur rage into another persons and viewing their actions through your eyes like she'd more likely yell at him than do harm or#cause him more pain like at least make it in character#but also she clearly doesn't want to see jimmy or curly in the same light and doesnt because she still repeatedly goes to Curly for comfort#and protection and god there's like concepts that need to be applied to characters individually and then the story as a whole#we can not view the game through only one themed lens less we forget to inspect the compounding factor of Anya is so much more than girl#that needs to be allowed to go off but a woman that simply wants right to be done by her and no more harm like she doesn't want to be aroun#the suffering like idk but some of yall would just benefit from like understanding that people are inherently grey with the capabilities of#black n white thinking or actions#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#i like her the most but then again i am defensive of all women in media and hate when people change the way the character would take agency#for themselves like yes I want her to tweak out but she just wouldn't and I like seeing realistic depictions of a woman suffering the way#she is like shes not the type at the end of the movie to have a one liner but feel a shallow freedom cause she needs to realistically heal#idk but its just like there is an obbsession forming with making her character her pain and not how she handles and navigates the issue
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anyway i'm going to buck the trend here and say i specifically love these guys way more because of their teeny little arms and feet. ten out of ten design choice, very dainty and endearing
#flight rising#i also think it goes a long way towards de-cluttering their silhouette#which is sorely needed! these things have a lot of doodads!#i think i like all the design elements a lot. only thing i'm not sold on is the horn#still figuring out how to make it work with everything else they've got going on#anyway i really don't see the people complaining these don't feel like light dragons#they're long they're dainty they're vaguely insectoid#they have big horns and lots of frills. their antennae are shaped like filigree!#i think it's just that the art kinda undersells all these features because of how messy it is#okay that's probably the right mix of sugar and salt in the tags. aaand post#my sketches
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